De danske landsmænd

30. December 2015

Most linguists have come to believe that the Scandinavian languages, including Danish, sounding approximately as a seal with pneumonia holding a potato in its mouth, are most closely related to the languages of Sea-animals including Seals and Penquins. Many argue that Danish is more closely related to Sealese, though some dispute this and think a relation to Penguinese to be more likely. However, the Sealists have gained an upper hand recently, with the argument that there have been long standing contact between native Scandinavians and Seals. The Penguinists argue that the vocabulary and phonemes of Danish much resemble Penguinese, and that the Penguins obviously have a much superior culture and language, much more likely to be copied from. However likely, many argue against it because the contact between these two groups have arguably been non-existent in the relevant time period, the Penguins residing only in the southern hemisphere in present times. Phrenologists who study the Danish language have come to the conclusion that it is not so much a language as a throat disease, probably caused by a mutated form of the same virus that causes Swedish, which itself is a mutated form of the Trollish/Dwarven virus. The cause of the Danish mutation is thought to be due to a rampant allele which became manifest due to excessive contact with fatty cheese and old beer. The latest research puts forward the theory that the Danish language was created by drunk Norwegians Vikings, that having been drunk, got lost and ended up in Denmark. This theory has also argued that Danish is in fact a long-running situationist joke and not really a language at all, more a sort of attenuated collection of grunts and base howls. However, as the Danes are fond of saying, "at least y comes from the fact that Danes can understand drunk Norwegians, but not sober ones (nor drunk Swedish people, only sober ones). Controversially, linguist [[David it is not Finnish". It should be noted the Swedish theory on Danish language, that is sounds like throwing up, is not even admitted by the Danes. The Swedes think this is an obvious case of alcoholics denial of truth. Though the Danes believe the Swedes are just not drunk enough to see the epicness of the Danish language.
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